Tuesday, November 28, 2006

What they won't teach you at VLCC

Are you overweight? Do you feel heavy, fat and flatulent all the time? Do you want to feel light and good? Read on.

You know how it is when you have just caught a virus. The first day your temperature goes up to 101 deg F and you feel sick and miserable. Then the fever rages on for three more days, you touch 103 and 104 deg F and finally it tapers off to 101 deg F on the fifth day. Suddenly, you feel relieved and sit up in bed. The temperature of 101 deg F is the same as that on the first day, but now you don’t feel that sick. The reference point has changed. Whereas, on the first day, you compared your temperature to the normal of 98.4 deg F, on the fifth day, the reference point is the 104 deg F that you had suffered the previous day. The mind plays such tricks.

Anyway, let’s come back to your obesity. Say, you are all of 5’4”, weigh 80 kg now and feel bloated and miserable. The right thing to do would be to cut down 10 kg, through a careful regimen and judicious mix of crash diet, power aerobics and liposuction. But, as we all know, this course of action poses intolerable trauma, unmentionable challenges and unbearable pain, mainly in the abdominal area. So, here’s a better method. What you should do is to go on a wild and reckless eating binge, the next few days, and stuff yourself with tons of the most delicious, calorie-filled, cholesterol-loaded, oil-soaked, cream-laden food that you can lay your hands on and put on 10 kg in weight. Avoid any exercise whatsoever during this period. As your height is unlikely to change ( so too the square of your height in cm) and the denominator will remain constant, your BMI will go up by exactly 12.5%- corresponding to the increase in the numerator .

Having reached the targeted weight of 90 kg, you must feel like a beached whale or a well-fed anaconda by now. It’s time to change strategy. Cut back a bit. Avoid the Chocolate pudding, the French fries and the beef steak. Over a period of time, come back to your original weight of 80 kg. Believe me, you will feel extraordinary light and terrific now, as I promised you in the beginning. Same weight as when you started, but your frame of reference is different and you are a changed person now. Repeat the cycle as long as you want.

Some people will point out that jettisoning 10 kg of excess baggage when you are 90 kg is as difficult as shedding 10 kg from a weight of 80 kg, but, trust me and ignore these cynical fatsos.


A Motley Tunic said...

what is vlcc?

Lalita said...

Wicked, wicked Raj.

But 'The reference point has changed.' is a very accurate observation.

I was thinking on the lines of weighty issues, musing about them and now you post this.

I wonder if you have noticed that height in inches seems to have a strange correaltion with weight in kilograms? 5'5 in height and 55 kg in weight and all that?

Anonymous said...

Somwya, VLCC (or VLLC, I am nto sure) is an outfit run by one Vandana Luthra that promises a weight reduction without diet or exercise.

Ha, lalita; I am 6', but alas, not 60 kg.

Srik said...

VLCC : Vandana Luthra curls and curves

No need to say, Loved this post!!

Usha said...

thanks for that. I will just go and buy myself some french fres and gulab jamuns with a sense of purpose.

Raj said...

Srik, that's a nice expansion for VLCC. Thanks

Usha, bon appetit.