The Great Escape

‘The Great Escape” is one of the most thrilling movies that I have seen. The fact that it was based on a true story made it even more admirable.

A recent attempt by British engineers, archeologists and historians to establish clearly how the escape was accomplished, as reported in this article in the New York Times, made interesting reading.

The team’s task was to employ “reverse engineering” by uncovering the tunnels and what remained of the tunnelers’ jury-rigged equipment to replicate the wartime fliers’ ingenuity. Ultimately, the team members were stunned that, even without the menace of the ever-watchful Nazi camp guards, they were unable to match their wartime counterparts fully, particularly in the most crucial skill, digging a tunnel 30 feet below the camp surface without repeated collapses of the sandy soil above .

The team concluded:

What those men did at Stalag Luft III was an astonishing feat of improvisational engineering. Their resourcefulness was beyond belief. It wasn’t a case of one man’s genius, more the accomplishment of a team, one man’s skills complementing another’s. And they had one precious resource, time. If you have time, somebody will eventually come up with something, and the others will say, ‘Let’s give it a go.’

…By the measures of ingenuity, courage and persistence, the tunnels built almost 70 years ago in sandy scrubland near the small town of Zagan, 130 miles southeast of Berlin in what was then Hitler’s Germany and is today western Poland, were a legendary feat of engineering.

Amazing.

Some useful tips for Rahul Dravid

There was a cricketer called George Gunn who played for Nottinghamshire and England. Quite a character, he was, going by the description of him by Neville Cardus.

His test career was a pretty long one too. He played 15 tests over a period of 23 years. According to Wikipedia:

His Test career was an unusual one, all but one of his 15 Tests being outside England. He was not selected for the 1907-8 tour of Australia, but visited the country anyway, for the good of his health. It was arranged that he could be called upon by England if necessary. In the event, it was necessary, and he appeared in the first Test at Sydney. Scores of 119, in his first innings in Test cricket, and 74 ensured that he would play in all five Tests. He made another century, 122, in the fifth Test, also at Sydney. He topped the averages, with 462 runs at 51.33. He was only chosen for one Test in England's home series against Australia in 1909, making 0 and 1 in the second Test at Lord's, but toured again in 1911-2. Though not quite as successful as four years earlier, he made 381 runs at 42.33. After World War I, he was out of favour, and his final four Tests did not come until 1929-30, on a tour to the West Indies when several veteran players (e.g. Rhodes and Sandham) seem to have been chosen as a reward for long service.

Anyway, let me tell you why I suddenly remembered George Gunn. Cardus writes that George Gunn had a keen sense of wit. Once when he was clean bowled he picked up the fallen stump- much to the bemusement of the fielders and the umpires- placed it back on the hole and gave it a friendly tap, before nonchalantly walking back to the pavilion.

Seeing Rahul Dravid getting bowled repeatedly in every innings and walking back dejectedly, I wish he would follow the example of George Gunn. The next time he is bowled, he should casually pick up the uprooted stump, inspect it carefully for damages, place it back on the hole, give it a friendly tap with his bat, check the alignment and replace the bails,  before walking back to the pavilion. I am sure that this will completely spook and disorient the Aussies, and make things easier for the Indian batsmen who follow.

Thank you for the water, respected sir.

The Asiatic Journal and monthly register for British Indian and foreign dependencies (page 650) carries this sycophantic letter written in 1825 by a group of Parsees to the British Governor, thanking the latter for digging wells and providing water.

"To the Hon. Mountstuart Elphinstone, President in Council, Bombay."

"Hon. Sir :—Deeply impressed at all times, with a sense of gratitude for the benefits which, during your administration and that of the present members of your honourable Board, have been conferred on all classes of the inhabitants of Bombay, so creditable to the name of the British government, we, the undersigned, beg more particularly on the present occasion (having been blessed by the high Providence with a favourable season of rain, and expecting a most abundant crop of all descriptions of grain) to offer you our sincere and grateful acknowledgments for your most munificent and charitable exertions in providing against the want of water during the fast dry season.

"The kindness of your disposition, which makes you beloved by all; the obliging condescension which leads you to attend, with the greatest readiness, to the wishes and applications of those under you; but above all, the noble liberality with which you patronize every public institution for the good of the country, need not now any mention from us; they are engraved on our breasts, and they will be associated in the minds of our children with those institutions, which must remain as a memorial of their founder.

"But the more immediate benefits which we have just experienced, as well individually as collectively, who compose so great a proportion of the population of this island, call forth the most lively sentiments of gratitude; and we are therefore constrained by every good feeling, to offer you our humble tribute of thanks. Permit us to express our gratitude for the benefits we lately experienced by the opening of the sally port through the ramparts, which has been so useful to the inhabitants of the port, in getting water both by day and night; and, also, by the opening of the wells in every part of the island where it was probable they could be of service: and likewise in the construction of the new tanks, and in improving and repairing the old onej which benevolent steps have saved the inhabitants from considerable distress.

"Such acts as these, at all times considered as the most charitable in this part of the world, permit us to assure you, are particularly at this period appreciated as they ought to be by all classes of our fellow subjects; and with every sentiment of esteem for your justice and liberality, and with every good wish for your prosperity, and that you may continue long to administer the government of this island, we beg to subscribe ourselves, with the greatest respect, honourable sir,

Your most grateful,

Devoted and obedient servants,

"Hormanjee Bomanjee, Cursetjee Ardeseer and 40 others

Bombay, 31* Oct. 1825.

Makara Sankranti

The Makara Sankranthi day that usually falls on January 14th,  falls on January 15th this year. According to Wikipedia:

Sankranti is the Sanskrit word in Indian Astrology which refers to the transmigration of the Sun from one Rāshi (sign of the zodiac) to another. Hence there are 12 such sankrantis in all. However, the Sankranti festival usually refers to Makara Sankaranti, or the transition of the Sun from Dhanu rashi (Sagittarius) to Makara rashi (Capricorn).

For this purpose, the signs and houses of the zodiac are calculated using sidereal time, not tropical. As such it does not account for the Earth's precession. The festival therefore takes place around 21 days after the winter solstice (between December 20 and 23) that marks the starting of the phenomenon of 'northward apparent migration of the sun' or Uttarayana, literally meaning northward journey of Sun.

Considering the winter solstice marks the beginning of the gradual increase of the duration of the day. Scientifically, the shortest day of the year is around December 21–22 after which the days begin to get longer, hence actual Winter Solstice begins on December 21 or December 22 when the tropical sun enters Makara rashi. Hence actual Uttarayana is December 21. This was the actual date of Makar Sakranti too. But because of the Earth's tilt of 23.45 degrees and sliding of equinoxes, Ayanamsa occurs. This has caused Makara Sankranti to slide further over the ages. A thousand years ago, Makar Sankranti was on December 31 and is now on January 14. Five thousand years later, it shall be by the end of February, while in 9,000 years it shall come in June.

While the traditional Indian Calendar is based on lunar positions, Sankranti is a solar event. So while dates of all Hindu festivals keep changing as per the Gregorian calendar, the date of Makar Sankranti remains constant over a long term, 14 January. Makar Sankranti is celebrated in the Hindu Calendar month of Magha

I couldn’t follow the reasoning, but it appears that some kind of tweaking is done in the calendar to account for the earth’s tilt. Will it be on Jan 15th next year too? I don’t know the answer.

Anyway, I was curious to know if the Makara Jothi event in Sabarimala that falls on Makara Sankranti also got shifted to Jan 15th this year.

Yes, it did.

The divine light, it appears, also does the same tweaking that humans have done with the calendar and manifests itself to devotees accordingly.

Update 160112:

A commenter has linked to an old article in The Hindu which quoted the President of the Travancore Dewaswom Board (that administers the temple) and the Chief Priest of the temple as saying that the Makarajyothi was man-made. It quotes a few others as well who disagree with above.

The statement made by Kummanam Rajashekharan, Hindu Aikayvedi general secretary, that “Makarajyothi, whether it is man-made or not has found a divine religious niche in the minds of every Ayyappa devotee” is interesting. It conveys that a devotee has a right to believe what he likes to believe. That’s what ‘faith’ is all about.

An aspect of faith rationalists tend to ignore is that, in its benevolent form, it binds people together in a common cause. If a million devotees need to assemble in a place, the binding factor must be something extraordinary. One can argue that ‘faith’ in an artificial entity is irrational, but if that irrational faith can serve to unite people, it is stupid to disregard its positive features. I know many people who form their own groups every December and start their preparations for a Sabarimala visit. The countdown to the actual travel involves prayer sessions in houses of different members, and manages to bring together families and friends. For these groups, the question whether the jyothi is man-made or a divine phenomenon is of no significance. There is a larger, unstated purpose - coming together as a group and revelling in each other’s company. The 'faith' provides the solemn  'pretext' for the meeting. I don’t join these groups on their travel or in their prayers, but I certainly look forward to the opportunity of catching up with friends, when invited to any of the sessions.

Faith can take a dangerous form, as we well know. But to keep harping on this is to take a very cynical view of the world.

Also, all of us living in the modern world, are victims of some kind of brand-conditioning. Faith in a brand is no less irrational than faith in a divine light.

Clutter-breakers

Commenting on the success of the song “Kolaveri di”, A.R.Rahman said, “It is a nice, simple tune. Every now and then a clutter-breaker emerges in music. Jai Ho was one such clutter-breaker. Kolaveri di is in the same category”.

The expression clutter-breaker is common jargon in the advertisement industry. When many ads tend to look or sound similar, along comes one which looks refreshingly simple and different and manages to grab the attention. (See this article here where leading advertising agencies talk about the clutter-breaking ads that they had each created).

Clutter-breakers are required in every field to remove staleness. We need a political party that can view any issue objectively without being burdened by legacy. We need sports officials and selectors who can instill freshness into the whole process. We need restaurants which will come up with simpler themes and simple, good food. – going against the trend of restaurants getting fancier and fancier. Most innovations that are successful have had a very simple idea at the core.

“Simplify. Simpify. In proportion as we simplify our lives, the Universe will appear less complex. “ as Thoreau said.

The football fan.

I was amused to read this news report yesterday :

East Bengal had to bear the wrath of fans who laid siege to their home turf with players and officials locked inside for about 30 minutes following their humiliating 1-4 loss to minnows Aryan Club in the local football league on Tuesday.

Angry with their second successive loss, three days after they were blanked 0-2 by bitter-foes Mohun Bagan, the fans turned violent near the exit gate, forcing the players to remain stranded in the ground before police could pacify the situation.

The police sneaked through the back door to rescue the team, especially East Bengal coach Trevor Morgan, who was the prime target of the supporters.

Why do people take a game so seriously? That’s because any sport was intended as a benign form of war and to keep tribal instincts at check. Any game therefore has the potential to degenerate  into surrogate warfare, at the slighest provocation. To excel in sports one needs to hone one’s competitive spirit with a view to inflicting a defeat on the opponent.The flip side of this build-up  is that any failure is considered too humiliating for the sportsmen and the fans alike, which leads to violence and bloodshed.

Last month, a football referee in Venezuela was shot dead by a fan after a match, because he had refused the substitution of a player. Football, more than any other game, seems to activate the reptilinear cortex of the brain and to cause the most primitive behavior.

This tendency was well illustrated in a short story, " A slight case of sunstroke",  by Arthur C Clarke set in a nation called Perivia in South America. The story describes a tense football match being played. Towards the end, the referee disallows a goal scored by Perivia and the crowd of 50000 refuse to take it lying down. They simply,instantly and literally  reduce the referee to ashes, One of the spectators, the narrator, explains the manner in which the referee was killed:

Have you ever annoyed anyone by flicking a pocket mirror across his eyes? I guess every kid has: I remember doing it to a teacher once, and getting duly paddled. But I had never imagined what would happen if fifty thousand well-trained men did the same trick, each using a tin-foil reflector a couple of feet square.

A mathematically minded friend of mine has worked it out for me, not that I needed any further proof, but I always like to get to the bottom of things. I never knew, until then, just how much energy there is in sunlight; it’s well over a horsepower on every square yard facing the sun. Most of the heat falling on one side of that enormous stadium had been diverted into the single small area occupied by the late referee. Even allowing for all the programmes that weren’t aimed in the right direction, he must have intercepted at least a thousand horsepower of raw heat. He couldn’t have felt much; it was as if he had been dropped into a blast furnace.

“They play football for keeps in Perivia”, concludes the narrator in a matter-of-fact tone. A slight case of sunstroke, indeed.

Yes, they play football for keeps in Kolkata as well.

Ethics without religion

There is a tendency to think that ‘ethics’ have a religious basis and must be firmly explained in the form of God’s commands- “Thou shall ” or “Thou shall not". When a fundamentalist carries out an act of terror, he genuinely believes that he is an ethical human being, adhering to laws prescribed by his God.

Religion and ethics need to be viewed separately.

Ethics, to apply Darwinian logic, is a product of natural selection. By laying a proper framework for social relationships, it confers a survival advantage on our species. As this essay explains:

We became fully human when we were able to find ways of inhibiting tendencies to socially disruptive action and ways of reinforcing our altruistic capacities. Practices of punishment may well have played a role at early stages of the process. The crucial step, however, consisted in internalizing the check on our behavior. We became able to formulate rules for ourselves, or to remind ourselves of exemplary cases of conduct: we invented a crude system of ethics.

Thus it is that societies such as ones in Scandinavia that are pre-dominantly atheistic have a well-developed ethical framework to act as their moral compass. Their commitment to protecting the environment or in adhering to a clear code of conduct in the public space emerges from this moral compass.

As Dawkins has explained, religion was an unintended byproduct of human evolution, and is completely anachronistic now. The sooner we abandon it, the better. The word ‘secular’ actually means ‘independent of or uninfluenced by religion”. It does not mean “embracing all religions” as is commonly misused. A secular state is supposed to act objectively.

We need not fear that ethics will not have an anchor in the absence of religion. It can exist and evolve by itself.

Violins old and new.

According to this report in Discover, the claim that old violins (such as the ones crafted by Stradivari) sound better than new ones is just a myth. When a research team asked a group of professional violinists to test out Stradivarius violins and new ones (without being told which of the violins was the Stradivarius’) they couldn’t make out the difference. Scroll down to the comments section of that article and you'll find an admission by one of the professionals who took part in the experiment.

When a Bengali swears that rosogollas of K.C.Das are the best in the world and unmatched in taste, consistency and flavor, test him out. Blindfold him, give him 10 rosogollas made at different outlets and ask him to identify the one made at K.C.Das. Chances are he will not be able to. Similar will be the result when you test people with expensive and cheap wines.

That’s where the power of the brand comes in. For you to appreciate the superiority of a Stradivarius violin, you should know beforehand that it is a Stradivarius violin. That “brand conditioning” is required to make it stand out from a crowd of generic violins.

Just think. If we can liberate ourselves from this conditioning, we could save hell of a lot of money. Do I really need the Gillette razor that costs 4-5 times as much as a ‘lesser’ brand? Would I know the difference between the two in a double-blind test? Do I have to stick to Color-Plus trousers that cost a fortune? For what purpose? Am I really more comfortable in them, or do I just feel so?

Of course, brand managers will tell you that a brand gives you that feeling of security, the assurance of quality, the comfort of familiarity, etc. All that hype is part of the conditioning. The poor fellows have to earn their salaries to be able to pay for stuff that they themselves are being conditioned to buy.

Parental dilemma

In a lovely post on the subject of ‘parenting’, Shruthi writes:

Parenting doesn't come with a manual. And to add to that, every child is different. Besides, we will be deluding ourselves if we think that we are the only ones who have an effect on our children. The fact is that we live in a society, and inputs and influences come from every direction.

As a result, we are trying to nudge our children in a direction that we think is best - in the midst of all these thousands of little pushes that the child keeps receiving every day, every minute.

And sometimes we don't even know whether what we are doing is right or not. Is it going to hurt her in the long run? Is this going to result in some other behaviour problem later in life? We don't know. We cannot possibly know. So we always do what we think is right at that point of time. Of course we have a long-term view at the back of our minds, but sometimes, we just cannot be sure of what is right.

If you glance through my “Conversation with daughters “series of posts, you’ll note that I don’t come out shining as an awesome parent who always had the appropriate response to whatever challenges parenting threw my way.

When teaching my elder one to drive a car, for instance, I had to ask myself, “Should I train her to scrupulously follow all the traffic rules, or should I explain that she should use her discretion to ignore some rules once in a while?” In particular, should I caution her not to stop at certain points when the light was ‘red’, as speeding cars from behind will crash into hers, taken by surprise at the utter stupidity of someone stopping there for a red light?

I decided that I wouldl set the right example. I would teach her to follow all the rules. I made her apply for a ‘learner’s licence’, stick an “L” Board on the car and, in a few weeks, after I felt that she had got the hang of driving made her go through the proper process at the RTO including the driving tests, etc. She went in at 8 am and came back at 4.30 pm, tired but triumphant.

The next week, a friend of hers was at the RTO. This friend had not taken a learner’s licence, had not gone through the rigour of driving classes, but was getting her licence straightaway because her dad knew someone who knew someone else who could arrange for a licence to be issued without any of the rigmarole that I forced my daughter to submit to.

I emerged from this episode, looking even more foolish than I was before.

Also, when teaching her to drive, I had to make her stick to the lane and stop at all the signals to wait for the green light. All kinds of idiots would keep honking from behind, but I had to urge her to ignore them. The thought that crossed my mind frequently was that I was conditioning her to an impractical saintly mindset, while the rest of the drivers moved past blatantly violating the rules. Should I also teach her a few of those tricks that would render her more street-smart and worldly-wise?

Anyway, what I did explain to her was that I would teach her how she ought to drive, rather than how I actually drove. This was to prevent any smart-alec comments from her on how I was not practicing what I had preached.

Parenting is hard work, meant for professionals. If you are an amateur and attempting it at home, be very careful.

Advice to Indian cricket team.

A study suggests that Dhoni and team should stop thinking consciously about their game, and to let their brains do the work automatically.

What the study says is:

Whether on the court, field or course, the body depends on the brain for direction. But the brain is a busy taskmaster, with duties beyond guiding motion, making it difficult to focus on that particular job. Like chess masters and virtuoso musicians, superior athletes are better than novices at turning on just the parts of the brain relevant to the desired task. In professionals, the overall brain activation is much lower, but certain connections are enhanced.In other words, experts employ only the finely tuned neural regions that help enhance performance, without getting bogged down by extraneous information.

In contrast, the study found that the brains of beginner golfers preparing a swing showed much more dispersed activity — especially pervasive in the basal ganglia and limbic system, regions of the brain that control emotions and make people consciously aware of their movements.

Such differences in brain activity reflect the players’ different concerns. “The novices were worried about all kinds of things — wind, water and sand,The pro golfers just hit the ball.

..Devoting too much conscious attention to swing mechanics could actually hurt performance, even among big leaguers...When professional golfers think too long about their shots, the athletes activate parts of their brains that they haven’t used during golf since first learning the game, throwing finely tuned sensorimotor pathways out of whack. This is because the expert’s brain has already figured out the optimal solution, and anything they consciously change will disrupt that,

The experience of “being in the zone” could simply be what happens when the brain regions making athletes conscious of their movements are finally quieted and motor centers get free rein to guide the players to victory.”

Taking some lessons from the study, Dhoni and team should stop thinking. Just go into the ground and let your instinct- sharpened by training- take over.

As I concluded in an old post, throw out the coaches and laptops.

A dishonourable society

When trying to turn left at any traffic junction in Chennai, one needs to either presume that a ‘free left turn’ is allowed, or wait patiently for the signal and be subjected to sneers and abuses from the vehicles behind, especially the auto-rickshaw variety. Nobody knows what the default setting is.

In the absence of a clear sign that says ‘free left turn” or a clearer sign that says “No free left. Wait for signal”, one can conveniently presume the former, except that every now and then a cop would have stationed himself immediately after the left turn to nab the culprit and slap a fine legally or collect a bribe. Ask him where does it say that ‘free left turn” is not allowed, he will retort: “Where does it say it is allowed?”. On some other days, the friendly cop positioned just ahead of the left turn would wave his hands urging you to carry on, thus lulling you into a false belief that it is indeed the default setting. A nice way to set you up for the trap the next time round.

In fact, in no traffic junction can one find all the lights working. In an intersection near my house, when approaching the signal from the east, the green light doesn’t work, so absence of red light means “go”. When approaching from the south, the red light doesn’t work, so absence of green light means ‘stop’. As I cross that intersection frequently I know the protocol, but there are many who don’t. So, much confusion is caused. And, it’s been this way for months, though many of us have complained many times. It’s an excellent hunting ground for the prowling cops.

Unclear rules or ambiguity in law is the main cause for corruption. Law-enforcers can apply their own interpretation and trap the unwary citizens. Soon, some of the citizens learn to outsmart the system and to remain vigilant while breaking the rules. Dubious methods employed by the law-makers and dishonourable survival techniques used by the followers create a vicious cycle.

Similar dishonourable methods are to be seen in all laws- income tax, commercial taxes, electricity rules, you name it. Wrong and exaggerated claims are made by the departments ( the tone of the notice will imply that you are a dangerous criminal who deserves to be imprisoned) and the assessees will find some dishonourable method to settle the claim, even when they know that they’ve done nothing illegal.

If we need to clean up our society, we should start with the traffic signs first, and then move on to larger things.

Expunge that from memory

If you were given the option to selectively eliminate or minimise the impact of unpleasant memories from your mind, would you go for it?

Well, it’s not in the realm of science fiction. Neuroscientists are currently researching the possibility. As this article explains,

The first speculative steps are now being taken in an attempt to develop techniques of what is being called “therapeutic forgetting.” Military veterans suffering from PTSD are currently serving as subjects in research projects on using propranolol to mitigate the effects of wartime trauma…. In addition to the work with veterans, there have been pilot studies with civilians in emergency rooms. In 2002, psychiatrist Roger Pitman of Harvard took a group of 31 volunteers from the emergency rooms at Massachusetts General Hospital, all people who had suffered some traumatic event, and for 10 days treated some with a placebo and the rest with propranolol [a beta blocker]. Those who received propranolol later had no stressful physical response to reminders of the original trauma, while almost half of the others did.”

Obviously, there are those who argue that there are grave risks in tinkering with human memory. The American Council of Bioethics, felt that editing memories could “disconnect people from reality or their true selves. While it did not give a definition of “selfhood,” it did give examples of how such techniques could warp us by “falsifying our perception and understanding of the world.” The potential technique “risks making shameful acts seem less shameful, or terrible acts less terrible, than they really are.”

Anyway, this can make an excellent theme for several B/K/T/Molywood films. Actually this is an old theme for them, as several movies in the “70s and ‘80s used ‘amnesia’ to good effect in their stories. The stories can be revived again and a new scientific spin injected. The heroine is witness to a murder scene. The culprits grab her and quickly operate on her brain or inject propranolol whatever to remove the piece of memory that has just lodged itself…..

Cardus on Cricket

Neville Cardus wrote this in an essay in 1932.

Cricket is a capricious blend of elements, static and dynamic, sensational and somnolent. You can never take your eyes away from a cricket match for fear of missing a crisis. For hours it will proceed to a rhythm as lazy as the rhythm of an airless day. Then we stretch ourselves on deck chairs and smoke our pipes and talk of a number of things- the old ‘uns insisting that in their time batsmen used to hit the ball. A sudden bad stroke, a good ball, a marvelous catch, and the crowd is awake; a bolt has been hurled into our midst from a clear sky. When cricket burns a dull slow fire it needs only a single swift wind of circumstance to set everything into a blaze that consumes nerves and senses. In no other game do events of import hang so bodefully on a single act. In no other game does one little mistake lead to mischief so irreparable You get another chance at football if you foozle a nick; but Hobbs in all his majesty must pass out of the scene for hours if for a second he should fall into the error that hedges all mortal activitiy. Many a great match has been lost by a missed catch; terrible are the emotions of long-on when the ball is driven high towards him- and he waits for it- alone in the world- and the crowd roars and somebody cries out, “E’ll miss it- ‘e’ll miss it”.

The laws of cricket tell of the English love of compromise between a particular freedom and a general orderliness, or legality. Macdonald’s best break-back is rendered null and void if he should let his right foot stray merely an inch over the crease as he wheels his arm. Law and order as represented at cricket by the umpires in their magisterial coats (in England it is to be hoped that these coats will never be worn as short as umpires wear them in Australia, much to the loss of that dignity which should always invest dispensers of justice). And in England umpires are seldom mobbed or treated with contumely which is the lot of our football referee. If everything else in this nation of ours were lost but cricket- her Constitution and the laws of England of Lord Halsbury- it would be possible to reconstruct from the theory and the practice of cricket all the eternal Englishness which has gone to the establishment of that Constitution and the laws aforesaid.

 

From: Cardus on Cricket.

Where's Part-2 of the story?

News items usually come in pairs. For instance, if there is a story on a terrorist attack, there will be a complementary item which will say, “PM condemns the incident”. A report that “Cyclone Thane threatens the coast of TN” will have an accompanying “Fisherman have been advised not to venture into the sea” report. Stories on “100 people killed in hooch tragedy or 20 people drowned in boat capsize” have as an adjunct a report that “CM announces ex-gratia payment of Rs 1 lakh to the kith and kin of the deceased.

I suspect that these are automatically generated by the computer at newspaper offices without any human intervention whatsoever.

The reader or the listener is conditioned to getting these stories in pairs. You read out the first part of the story and he can complete the second part. And, if by chance, the second part of the story is not reported, there is a sense that something is missing- as was evident from this incident.

A landing on a footbridge in Chennai gave way yesterday, injuring 4 persons. One of them, Yuvaraj, was admitted in a hospital and this is what he had to say when media persons met him later :

“It has been several hours since the incident took place and we have not received any information on compensation or ex gratia until now,” Mr. Yuvaraj said from his hospital bed at 9.30 p.m.

The man could have vented his ire at the poor state of infrastructure and the lack of maintenance, etc. But what was uppermost on his mind was the ex-gratia rightfully due to him and why the second part of the story had not played out as per script. That’s conditioning, for you.

By the way, in this case, the Govt is obliged to compensate the victims. It was caused due to failure of a Govt dept to maintain a public facility in proper order .I am not sure about the hooch or the boat tragedy, though.

Vacuous and Verbose- 30

The centre-spread of The Hindu today is dominated by an op-ed by Amartya Sen. The title itself, “The glory and the blemishes of the Indian news media” should warn the reader of Sen’s diabolical intention of unleashing a verbal fussilade. And one look at the piece below the title confirms the worst fears. It must easily run into tens of thousands of words.

Some kind of demon possesses these eminent people when they hold a pen to write or touch a keyboard to type. They just can’t stop showing off their knowledge. Words become long sentences, sentences form long paras, paras run into thousands and pages get consumed.

Fortunately, death-by-boredom rate among readers is low as nobody reads these op-eds.

No idea requires to be elaborated in more than 1000 words. If it stretches beyond that it can only mean one thing. That the writer has made use of some filler text from a Lorem Ipsum generator.

Anyway, as Sen has taken such pains to write his thesis, I have taken the trouble of reading it. Here is my response and counter-argument.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Curabitur eu risus nisl. Nulla tortor felis, aliquet a tristique ac, placerat a mi. Nullam sed erat odio. Vestibulum mattis risus lobortis justo vehicula id viverra enim lobortis. Vestibulum dapibus facilisis leo quis dapibus. Nunc non urna libero. Fusce in tincidunt elit. Cras dolor eros, tincidunt in fermentum vel, blandit ac massa.

Aenean velit tortor, dictum sit amet commodo sit amet, sollicitudin quis leo. Duis vel sapien non libero adipiscing ullamcorper. Duis ac mi ut quam interdum cursus. Maecenas gravida nulla sit amet diam fermentum in euismod urna fermentum. Aliquam lectus mi, sollicitudin id mollis consequat, convallis quis quam. Etiam porttitor, nunc et pretium interdum, mauris purus elementum velit, id pretium libero magna et purus. Vestibulum auctor, nibh mollis ultricies faucibus, elit massa consequat dolor, non feugiat risus tortor a orci.

Proin nulla nibh, dignissim congue blandit sit amet, elementum nec magna. Donec nec mi ut sem fermentum lacinia ut ac arcu. Cras semper, nisi id volutpat adipiscing, urna urna varius mauris, ac aliquet quam turpis a orci. Nunc blandit eros orci. Integer auctor posuere nibh, eget porttitor turpis vestibulum vitae. Mauris tempus ante eu risus congue porttitor. Quisque vitae est urna, in euismod lacus. Etiam posuere eleifend purus, non tempus augue porta ac. Suspendisse ut ligula justo. Cras sit amet nunc sed justo pharetra cursus ac quis eros. Donec rhoncus dolor ac lectus aliquet varius.

 

Vacuous and Verbose-29

The Vice President of India Shri M. Hamid Ansari has said that Deafness affects 6-7 per cent of the Indian population and is a major problem. Delivering inaugural address at the “64th Annual Conference of Otolaryngologists of India” at M.L.N.Medical College, Allahabad today, he has said that these figures point to the magnitude of the challenge facing the country, and especially the concerned specialists and professionals. He has said that our ENT surgeons can do a lot not only to treat it but to prevent it and we also must make concerted efforts to increase the numbers of ENT specialists and Otolaryngologists to tackle this problem effectively.

The Vice President added: “Noise pollution is the other menace contributing to hearing loss. Today we not only have to deal with environmental noise due to traffic or industry, but also recreational noise ever present in the form of loud music etc”. ( Source)

The VP himself is a soft-spoken man, but only the day before he gave this speech he was conducting the proceedings at the Rajya Sabha, which witnessed some of the noisiest sessions ever. The MPs were screaming collectively at high-octave, high decibel levels, not even bothering to use the microphones. One of the ministers made a noise that reminded me of the barking of a pack of German Shepherds let loose, or Naais ( if you know some Tamil)

The Otalaryngolists (what a fancy name) would do well to fit some silencers on to the throats of the MPs, before turning to the rest of the population to apply their methods.

Be brief and be gone.

If there is one thing that is more boring than a boring book, it  is a boring review of the boring book. I remember seeing some reviews of Amartya Sen’s book, “Argumentative Indian” that were as stretched and verbose as the book itself.  It is difficult to outdo Amartya Sen on verbosity, but the reviewers put in valiant efforts.

An article that appeared in The Slate refers to the three rules of book review:

1. The review must tell what the book is about.

2. The review must tell what the book's author says about that thing the book is about.

3. The review must tell what the reviewer thinks about what the book's author says about that thing the book is about.

The third rule must not be taken as a licence for the reviewer to present an entire thesis on what he thinks the author is saying. Brevity is the soul of a review.

That’s why I liked this story I came across:

In 1944 a children’s book club sent a volume about penguins to a 10-year-old girl, enclosing a card seeking her opinion.

She wrote, “This book gives me more information about penguins than I care to have.”

American diplomat Hugh Gibson called it the finest piece of literary criticism he had ever read

(Source)

Ostracise hard-working people

Any successful person- whether a business leader, actor or sportsperson- likes to attribute his or her success to hard work. Nobody likes to admit or create an impression that success happened by chance or a lucky break or due to being around at the right time and in the midst of right circumstances. Mr Narayanamurthy of Infosys was once quoted as saying, “I am the hardest working person I know’. Better to invite sympathy than jealousy, I suppose.

Hard work is a virtue that is over-hyped. If there is a direct correlation between hard work and success, a completely different set of people would have succeeded instead of being stuck where they are.

Yes, hard work may be essential for an enterprise to succeed, but to hold that as responsible for the success is ridiculous. And for us to have hard-workers as role-models is completely wrong. A truly successful person is one who achieves more with less effort, and such a person should be our role model.

All these thoughts occurred to me after I read this 1932 piece by Bertrand Russel, in which he demolishes the myth that work is virtuous:

Like most of my generation, I was brought up on the saying: 'Satan finds some mischief for idle hands to do.' Being a highly virtuous child, I believed all that I was told, and acquired a conscience which has kept me working hard down to the present moment. But although my conscience has controlled my actions, my opinions have undergone a revolution. I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous, and that what needs to be preached in modern industrial countries is quite different from what always has been preached…

I want to say, in all seriousness, that a great deal of harm is being done in the modern world by belief in the virtuousness of work, and that the road to happiness and prosperity lies in an organized diminution of work.

A man who has worked long hours all his life will become bored if he becomes suddenly idle. But without a considerable amount of leisure a man is cut off from many of the best things. There is no longer any reason why the bulk of the population should suffer this deprivation; only a foolish asceticism, usually vicarious, makes us continue to insist on work in excessive quantities now that the need no longer exists.

I think I have finally found the philosophy that suits my temperament.

How did Indians compute the lunar eclipse?

“Memoirs of the various modes according to which the nations of the southern parts of India divide time” published in 1825, carries an explanation of the trigonometric calculations found in the Surya Siddantha.

The author of one of the  memoirs ( page 325) combats the then-prevalent assertion among Europeans that Indians had been following certain methods without understanding them, by using the same methods to compute the lunar eclipse of November 1789. Though not wanting to stir a scientific controversy, he still concedes that it was possible that the Indians knew the principles and the theorems long before the Greeks.

The mask of youth

I am fascinated by this development:

Japanese company REAL-f managed to design the most super realistic 3D face replica that you have ever seen.

The startup offers two versions, a mask type replica and the so-called mannequin type, a replica of the head. For creating these amazing replicas , REAL-f first shoots pictures from different angles of the person who's face will be copied. After that it imprints the image on vinyl chloride resin stretched over a mold.

REAL-f's unique production technology makes sure that even details like the iris and blood vessels are replicated accurately. REAL-f 3D face replica costs US$3,920 with additional copies US $780 each , while the head replica costs US $5,875 with additional copies US $1,960.

I am sure that the mask will be put to use in multiple and ingenious ways. But the biggest market will be from people who are 21 years old. They can make a few dozen replicas of their face and head and, for the rest of their lives, put one on as they keep getting old. They can permanently sport ‘young’ looks, without the need for botox or anti-wrinkling agents. It ‘s a pity that this invention didn’t take place when Simi Garewal was 21 years old.

Saddam's bottom.

In a post titled, “Movers and shakers of India”, I had wondered why we (Indians) are obsessed with ‘swaying bottoms’. All movie songs involve violent shaking of bottoms and cameras zoom in on these parts so as to appeal to this unique need of the discerning Indian viewer.

That’s why I feel that it will be an Indian who will make the winning bid for an item to be auctioned in London on October 27th. Here is the Al Arabiya News report on the said item:

A bronze buttock from the statue of late Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein toppled in Baghdad after the U.S.-led invasion in 2003 is to be auctioned in Britain, an auction house said Tuesday.

A former soldier from Britain’s elite SAS regiment retrieved the two-foot (0.6-meter) wide piece of history and took it back to Britain shortly after U.S. marines dragged the statue down on live television.

... Auctioneer Charles Hanson called the bronze body part a “piece of modern history” and said he expects it to be sold for at least £10,000 when it goes under the hammer on October 27.

May the best and most deserving Indian win the bid. We couldn’t get the Kohinoor diamonds back. Let’s get Saddam’s bronze buttock as our prize souvenir. It will be a good bargain.

Dasara.

Transactions of the Literary Society of Bombay, published in the year 1823, carries an article ( page 79) titled “On the institution and ceremonies of the Hindoo festival of the Dusrah” written by Major-General Sir John Malcolm, G.C.B. & K.L.S.in the year 1799, in the form a letter to someone.

In that piece of correspondence, he tries to explain the significance of Dussehra and Durga Puja as narrated to him by some Brahmins.

"A prince named Soorath was expelled from his kingdom by the rakshahs or demons. He for a long time wandered about in the woods, and happening to meet with a bankrupt merchant, they proceeded to relate to a hermit their misfortunes. This holy man gave the two unfortunate wanderers a long discourse on the vicissitudes of fortune, all of which he traced to Yoga Maya. The prince asking who she was, ‘She is’ said the recluse, 'the great goddess in whom are immersed the powers of creation, preservation, and destruction ; in other words, she is the eternal and illusive principle, she takes all shapes in order to enable her to destroy the demons, and protect the good and peaceable inhabitants of this earth.

"'In former days (continued the hermit), when the world was covered with water, and Vishnoo the omnipotent reposed on the great serpent Andi-Shashah (Ananta), two demons arose from the wax or dirt (myle) of his ears. They attempted to murder Brahmah, who called upon Yoga Nedra: this goddess, who is described as a personification of abstraction and delusive sleep (and ono of whose titles is the Great Darkness), instantly removed her influence from Vishnoo; who, seizing his chackra or discus, struck off at one blow the heads of the two demons, Mudh and Kythab, who had carried on a war against the gods for 5000 years.

After the death of Mudh and Kythab, Mheisasoor, or Buffalo-shaped (called the demon of vice), waged a successful war against the gods for 1000 years. Indra, Sooray, Cbandra, Agnee, Vayoo, Varoon, Pavana Kooverah, Yama, and the whole conclave of deities, were so distressed by the superior force of this terrible enemy, that they made their common complaint to Brahmah; this god proceeded with them to the celestial throne of the all-powerful Vishnoo, who was enraged at the tale of their sufferings.

His eyes, flaming like the fiery eyes of Siva, darted irradiant glances, which mixing with those proceeding at the same time from the eyes and bodies of the other incensed gods, combined to form a female of exquisite beauty, in whom the goddess of sleep predominated. The newly created goddess (Doorga) was a composition of all the deities who aided in her formation: from Siva she acquired her majestic head and flowing hair; from Vishnoo her arms and spirit; from Indra her breasts; her emanations from Varoona; Pavana gave her legs and waist; Brahmah her feet; her thumbs were from Sooraya; her nose from Kooverah; her fingers from Vayoo; Agnee gave her a third eye, and from the other gods she derived her remaining features; but, above all, she partook most of the qualities of Siva, who gave her his trisool, or trident, and infused all his fire into her third eye.

"' The armour and ornaments of this goddess were as generously bestowed as her qualities: the god of the winds gave her a bow and arrows ; Indra his thunderbolt; the god of the infernal regions his danda, or mace, and sword; Brahmah bestowed on her the cammundalum, or drinking skull; the Milky Ocean gave her a necklace of pearls; Viswakarman, the artificer of the gods, presented her jewels; Sumoodra, or the sea, several precious stones, and some offensive weapons; for her conveyance, Mount Hima gave her a lion; Kooverah (Plutus) bestowed on her a rich and beautiful drinking-cup; and the great serpent, Andishasha, a garland of snakes. Besides these, every god, according to his means, presented her with various gifts.

Thus armed and ornamented, the goddess sallied forth to fulfill her high destiny. She soon met with Mheisasoor, and a terrible conflict ensued. Mounted on a lion, she slew immense numbers of his demons ; but her followers fell in crowds before the paws, tail, and horns of the buffalo god. At length the goddess and the demon of vice encountered each other. Dreadful was the conflict! As Doorga aimed a terrible blow at him, the buffalo took a human form, in which he was slain, but reappeared in that of an elephant. He next assumed the shape of a lion, and then his original body of a buffalo.

The goddess, oppressed with heat and thirst, and fainting with fatigue, indulged in a draught of wine, exclaiming to her enemy, who shouted victory, "O Mheisasoor! roar as loud as you may till my cup is finished." Having drunk, her strength was redoubled; she seized her sword, and with one blow severed from his body the head of the demon. The dewtas, or minor deities, who had been spectators of the wondrous strife, sung aloud the praises of the goddess Doorga. In her next incarnation she also destroyed the two great malignant demons, Sambha and Nesumbhe. This was, however, in another avatarom, and must not be confounded with the appearance of the mother of nature, as Doorga, or virtue, for the destruction of Mheisasoor, or vice, as these were her acts as Kali, Chamunda, in her inferior manifestations as an infernal goddess.

In her combat with the giants, who were impelled by their evil spirits to action, she appeared with a countenance inspiring terror, and her eyes red, glaring with blood; she was wrapped in an elephant's hide, and, not satisfied with the usual means of destruction, she grasped men, elephants, and horses, with her hands, and swallowed them up like grains of barley!!! Kali was, however, in this action severely pressed by the strength and increasing number of her enemies; but the gods who watched the conflict sent her seasonable aid. Sacred birds, animals, and shells conveyed her female allies (for they were all of that sex) to the field.

The war, after some terrible battles, in which the goddess gave astonishing proofs of her courage and prowess, terminated by her slaying the two demons, Sumbha and Nisumbha, and eradicating the race of rakhush, or demons, from the earth. The being who had conferred on mankind this great benefit was called the Omnipotent, and was worshipped under various names. But some reformed sects of Hindoos, making objections (and apparently not without reason) to her sanguinary proceedings, refuse adoration to Budra Kali, and the Vishnoo Hindoos celebrate this festival in the name of Suruswatee and Lachmee, the wives of Vishnoo and Brahmah, and goddesses of wisdom and of wealth, who, though they had been allies of Kali, were not polluted, like her, by drinking blood, After this war Kali retired to a mountain, but foretold her return to punish evil spirits, which would in her absence reappear. On her departure, however, the goddess enjoined her votaries, when they commemorated her victories, to represent her with red teeth, and to offer her red flowers. They were also commanded to offer prayers to her on certain days, which they were told would propitiate her favour, save them from their enemies, and secure to them health, wealth, and good fortune.

This is the substance of what the holy man related to the wandering prince, Sooradha, or Soorut; who in consequence devoted himself in sincerity of heart to prayer at the shrine of Doorga. He was rewarded by becoming in another birth Saverna Menoot, and it was during the period in which he governed the world that the sage Makundrah related these wonders to the Prince Jayanee. The latter, on hearing the narration, instituted the festival in question, and fixed the dates for its observance agreeably to those named by the goddess, as the best to obtain her aid and favour. Future ages have continued to solemnize this festival by prayer, festivities, gymnastic exercises, and every kind of warlike sport.

Not that we need to learn the story from the British, but the point to be noted is that they made elaborate effort to understand the customs and traditions in India, and recorded all that they had heard or understood. Sometimes, they heaped scorn on the heathen practices and paganism of the natives, but quite often they recorded their observations dispassionately.

The tough little bird.

Robert Krulwich has a great post on the Bar-tailed Godwit.

They are the only birds known to fly more than 7,000 miles nonstop, that means no food breaks, no water breaks, no sleep breaks, no pausing, just pushing through cyclones, storms, headwinds, flappity flap, flap for days and nights- and this is their championship season. In September and October, they leave Alaska, head straight for the ocean. Though they are land birds, and cannot fish or rest on the sea, they will cross most of the Pacific Ocean, and fly all the way to New Zealand. Many of them are young, and have never done this before.

Every year, between August and November, these birds wait for the cyclonic storms that generate favourable wind for southward departure. “Once they hit mid-passage, equatorial breezes slow and the bird has to beat his or her way south without much help. They burn half their body weight as they fly, and sleep, bird-style, by shutting down one side of the brain at a time. Past the equator, they bump into the southeasterly trade, which is the runner's equivalent of an uphill slog, pushing them west, so they have to navigate to keep on course.”

What an amazing feat! Why does this bird do this long-distance flying non-stop? What is the purpose of this whole exercise? A comment on the article explains “ If it is accustomed to a diet of a certain type and surroundings of a certain temperature and form that is nearly polar, it is unlikely to achieve this other than by traveling to nearly the opposite pole”.

What a tough little bird!

Three men and a baby

In the film, “Buona Sera, Mrs Campbell,” that was a hit in the ‘60s, an Italian woman (played by Gina Lollobrigida) sleeps with three American soldiers in the course of ten days, during the war. By the time she discovers she is pregnant, all three of them move back to the US. Not sure who is the father, she decides to get all three to support ‘his’ daughter. And all three keep remitting money to her.

I remember laughing quite a bit at the many comical situations in the movie.

But, as they say, life can be more dramatic than anything that a fiction writer can possibly imagine. As this news story in the Indian Express today illustrates:

The seven-year-old may not have a dad, but in the space meant for ‘father’s name’ on his birth certificate, there are three names — of the three men who allegedly raped his mother when she was 15.

…in the records of the primary school where the child studies, the ‘father’s name’ column has been kept blank. The extraordinary entry on his birth certificate came to light when the child was brought for admission to the school.

The panchayat that issued the birth certificate said they put the names of the three accused on it as the grandfather had told them one of them was the child’s father.

I can’t see anything funny in the movie, “ Buona Sera, Mrs Campbell” any more.

Lady Divine, would you like some wine?

Christopher Hitchens, in an article three years back, writes about the obnoxious practice of restaurants trying to speed up the consumption of expensive wine by pouring it out into glasses that are still not empty.

The vile practice of butting in and pouring wine without being asked is the very height of ..  bad manners. Not only is it a breathtaking act of rudeness in itself, but it conveys a none-too-subtle and mercenary message: Hurry up and order another bottle. Indeed, so dulled have we become to the shame and disgrace of all this that I have actually seen waiters, having broken into the private conversation and emptied the flagon, ask insolently whether they should now bring another one. Imagine this same tactic being applied to the food

Once at a 5-star restaurant, I was playing host to a team from Finland. The steward, undermining my prerogative as the host, went directly to one of the ladies and asked her if she would like some wine and she said ‘yes, maybe some red wine”. The next thing I know he brings up a bottle of expensive wine, asks her if it is ok and pours it into her glass and offers some to the others too. After an hour or so, when food had been ordered, he goes again to the same lady and asks if she would like ‘some more red wine’. She says ok, and he opens up another bottle and pours out the wine.

At this point I was fuming. I excused myself from the table, went across to the manager and asked him how much the bottle of wine cost. Rs 6000 + taxes, he said. I blasted the hell out of him and said that the steward had no business to take the order directly from a guest and expect me to pay up. A compromise was reached that I would pay for only one of the bottles. I went out kicking and ranting and swore that I’ll never go there again.

Another common trick is to place some fancy foreign brand of mineral water (without the price tag of Rs 400) on the table and casually ask the foreign visitor if they would like some mineral water. Quite often, the Indian ‘host’ would feel awkward to stop this ‘transaction’ and end up paying good money for nothing.

If you must go these fancy restaurants, never forget the rule: Caveat emptor. And don’t hesitate to recommend an Indian red wine to a foreign guest.

Mr. Walker.

While in Kenya last week on an official trip, I drove down from Nairobi to a small town called Magati, past the Rift Valley. I was headed to a site that had been identified for a project, which involved participation of the local community. The site was a few kilometers away from a point ahead of Mogati on the highway.

A colleague from Nairobi who was accompanying me said that an ‘elder’ from the local community would like to meet us. Should we meet him at Mogati or should we request him to come straight to the site, he wanted to know. Meeting him at the site at 2 pm would be more convenient, I said, and would save us some time.

As we reached the point that would lead us to the site, we were informed that the approach road could not be accessed as a river was overflowing due to heavy rains the previous day. A local person said he could take us to the site on a different route and we decided to use his services.

We got off the highway into a muddy road, which after 500m led us to a thick forest. The guide expertly navigated us through the trees on narrow dirt tracks. How he knew the general direction or where to turn, I couldn’t figure out as all trees looked the same to me. I had assumed that this was going to be a short drive, but found the journey stretching interminably. At one point, the jeep got stuck in the slush, and was extricated with some difficulty and some clever maneuvers from the driver.

We reached the spot after covering 22 km in slightly more than 2 hours. It was 4 pm.

The village elder was there, all alone and waiting for us. He had reached the spot at 2 pm as scheduled.

How did he get there, I asked my local guide. He had walked. Was there a shorter route for walking? No, he said, the old man had to take the same route that we had taken. As soon as he was informed that he had to meet us at the site, he had started walking in that direction, armed with a stick. Aware of the swollen river, he set out on the longer route that we later took. He walked the entire 20 km and reached the place on time. How long did it take him to cover the distance? Oh, maybe 2.5 to 3 hours, replied my local guide, nonchalantly.

We asked the old man to get into the jeep and started our way back on the same route. I certainly wanted to get back to the highway before it was dark. After 5 km or so, our jeep got stuck in the mud again and simply refused to budge, either forward or in reverse. If we had to walk the remainder of the distance, there was no way we were going to make it out of that jungle before it got dark.

As I was worrying myself with thoughts of giant mosquitoes, tse tse flies and snakes, I saw the old man pulling down some branches from a tree. He plucked out the leaves and heaped them in a pile near the tyres on the rear wheel of the jeep. Using that as leverage, the driver managed to pull the jeep out a few metres behind, then picked up full power and drove it past the slush.

What a man!

Not far from the spot we visited is the hilly region surrounding the Rift Valley, which has produced so many marathon runners and Olympic medalists in long-distance events. What is special about the region, many have wondered. Some have attributed it to the lung-capacity of the runners developed due to exercising in the high-altitude region. Some explanations point to the ‘birdlike legs”. And some to the fact that, historically, the men of the Kalenjin tribe had to move fast and over long distances to round up cattle, as those with the most number of cows managed to garner more wives.

I wonder how many cows and how many wives the old man I met has.

Chennai Chunam

Recreations in Agriculture, Natural History, Arts and Miscellaneous literature, by James Anderson, LLD was published in April 1799.

James Anderson was a distinguished personality who was based in Chennai and whose botanical garden in the city was world-famous. The suffix to his name, apart from the LLD, reads

“FRS. and FSA.E . Honourary member of the Society of Arts, Agriculture, Sec. Bath; of the Philosophical Society, Manchester; of the Agricultural Society, Altringham ; of the Philosophical So-ciety, Newcastle; of the Society for promoting Natural History, London, of the Academy of Arts, Sciences, and Belles Lettres, Dijon; of the Royal Society of Agriculture, St. Petersburg; of the Royal Economical Society, Berlin; of the Philosophical Society, Philadelphia; correspondent member of the Royal Society of Agriculturet Paris; and Author of several performances.”

Here, he describes the virtues of ‘chunam’- or limestone used as cementing material in India, and recommends it for use in England as well.

No cement for building hath as yet been discovered in Europe that can be compared with the fine Chunam of India for closeness, toughness, durability, and beauty. It sets as quickly as stucco, and at the same time acquires a hardness greatly superior to our best lime mortar, and is alike proper for works under water, as for those that are exposed to the air; so that it supersedes the use alike of gypsum and of puzzuolana, or terras.

It can be made here at all times, only that, during the monsoon or rainy season, it does not dry so soon, and causes more trouble to the workmen; I do not see therefore why it might not be done in England; and if houses were built in England as in India, there never would be the smallest danger from fire; for whatever accident might happen to the furniture, scarce any of our houses here can be injured: the walls are all of brick and mortar, and when fine-chunamed are exceedingly beautiful; as any colour, or variety of colours, may be given to it.

The wood of the doors and windows are never so much connected with it as to cause any danger: our roofs are equally secure, and probably the strongest and most durable in the world, being with difficulty broke down; the whole forming a solid mass, and the mortar harder than the brick. If a room does not exceed twenty-five or thirty feel breadth, large solid beams of teak (tectonia grandis), of about sixteen or eighteen inches square, are laid across from wall to wall; and at the distance of twelve or fourteen feet asunder. Joists of about seven inches depth and four inches breadth are then laid across the beams about a foot asunder.

When these are all properly fitted, and the wall all around raised to a level with them, the bricklayers begin at one corner, and go on diagonally to the other with great quickness, placing the bricks On their edge and applying them close to one another, after having covered their surfaces well with mortar mixed with a considerable proportion of jaggary, or coarse sugar, and also the top, on which they lay it thick. The workmen sit upon moveable planks laid across the joists. The under surface has a curious appearance, from the bricks seeming to have no support.

It is astonishing how few bricks thus jammed fall down, although I have seen terraces made when rain was falling very heavy, and running through in all parts as through a sieve; and those are reckoned strongest that are built in the wet weather, as there is less danger of vacuities than in the dry season, from the quick drying of the chunam.

He will be missed

While paying her last respects to Shammi Kapoor who passed away last week, actress Madhuri Dixit was quoted as saying "He was a very fine actor and will truly be missed,”

Considering that Shammi Kapoor had been bed-ridden for many years, and had not acted for many more, that statement makes no sense. His ‘acting’ would have been missed- if at all-after his retirement. Death cannot be cited as the reason for his not acting. If he had continued to live on, he was unlikely to get back to his swashbuckling not-to-be-missed roles.

The ‘will-be-missed’ phrase is so clichéd and when used in the passive voice rings completely insincere. Will be missed by who? When in the future? How long?

Yet, I realized that bereavement evokes irrational responses.

Returning home today after attending the funeral of a cousin, I found myself reminiscing about the days, decades back, when we spent hours playing cricket or badminton or just shared some jokes. Yes, I am certainly going to miss him, I grieved.

This cousin was not snatched away at an early age. He had been ailing for some time, and the last instance both of us played cricket or badminton together was 25 years back. Had he not died today, would we have got back to playing those games? Impossible. Would we have got back to our exchange of jokes? Sadly, no. He had ceased to be a sparkling conversationalist, some years back. So, what is it that his death has caused me to miss afresh? What is it that I am deprived of now that I wasn’t a week back?

I don’t know.

But, at least, I used the cliché in its active voice.

Husband- the visible God.

In a post dated October 2005 and titled, “Dark thoughts of a closet MCP”, I had imagined the mind of a chauvinistic male. The post began this way:

You should have seen the fuss that my wife made and the tantrums that she threw up when I woke her from an afternoon siesta yesterday and asked for a cup of coffee!

Why she should go ballistic over such a simple request, I could never fathom. It would have taken her hardly a couple of minutes to warm the milk in the gas stove, mix the instant coffee and sugar and serve it to me, along with some chocolate biscuits, as I was on my recliner chair reading a book. Nothing complicated about it. Minimum physical labour involved.

It is not as if she had to slog it out like my multi-tasking grandmother who had to wake up at 3 am everyday, have a cold dip in the Cauvery (cleverly dodging the lurking crocodiles), finish her pooja, run after the cows, pin them down, milk them herself, then grind the coffee seeds, roast them, prepare the decoction, and get the steaming coffee ready for my grandfather at 5 am sharp, before he commenced his morning ablutions. All this, while she continued to prolifically deliver several babies a year.

I thought I was using my humourist’s licence to freely exaggerate and to sound funny in the process.

Last night, while watching a debate on a Tamil channel, I realized how wrong I had been. I had not only ‘not exaggerated’ (pardon the double negative) but had not known that many women actually liked their male partners to be completely domineering and demanding. This was a complete revelation to me.

This debate was between two groups of women, with one group arguing that husbands were ‘visible Gods” who needed to be served and obeyed unquestioningly and the other group defending the view that the husband was a friend in an equal partnership.

That such debates should happen at all in this age is a reflection of our society. The participants were well-educated (in the conventional sense of the word) and I heard one of them – belonging to the group that venerated husbands- say that she held an MBA diploma and that it did not make any difference to her convictions. She revealed that as soon as her husband came home from work, she insisted on removing his shoes and socks not just because she felt she ought to, but she enjoyed doing it. None of the women in the ‘husband is God” group attributed the behaviour to ‘traditional values”. All of them said they actually liked placing their husbands on a pedestal and being as obsequious as they could.

The thought did cross my mind that perhaps this was a stage-managed debate. If so, the women were exceptionally good actors.

Maybe this was a freakish group rounded up by the TV studio to make the show livelier? No, I don’t think so. I suspect that this was a good sampling size, one that is representative of a pan-Indian society,

It is pointless to talk about ‘subjugation of women’ when there are educated women still around, who volunteer to be slaves and derive masochistic enjoyment while being treated thus.

Gesundheiit

Caught in the humdrum of life, we dismiss many things as ‘routine’ or ‘mundane’. Because of this tendency to trivialize, many important things pass us by, unnoticed.

Take the simple matter of sneezing. Do you remember when you sneezed last? Why? Where? What was the intensity? How many sneezes at a time?

Shame on you, if you can’t recall.

A blogger has shown us the way. Starting from June 2007, he has sneezed 2590 times and he has recorded details of each one of them in a separate post. Where was he when the sneeze happened? Was it a weak one, moderate or strong? What activity was he engaged in at that precise moment? For example, his entry # 2588 reads “Kitchen; Strong; Transferring falafel(s) into a Tupperware”.

He follows precise rules. All sneezes are timed and dated. All times are GMT. Avoids confusion when he has to record a sneeze that has happened when he is abroad. Also, he might sneeze on one side of the International Date Line, then cross the International Date Line, and then sneeze again. Using local time, the second sneeze would have occurred the day before the first sneeze, generating confusing and nonsensical data.

The strength of the sneeze is recorded as “Mild, Moderate, Moderate to strong, Strong, Very strong or Very mild”. However, he cautions scientists that these are completely subjective impressions, and almost certainly not consistent, or independently verifiable. And Seismologists to please note that this scale is non-exponential.

Why does he document his sneezes? He explains,

I started counting my sneezes on 12 July 2007. What started out as a little conceptual art joke, a playful satire of the “blogosphere”, and a mock scream against the futility and emptiness of modern life, turned into something more intriguing.

Counting my sneezes, and documenting the time and place of each sneeze, has revealed curious regularities in the way I live my life. For example, it has revealed how much time I spend in the ‘Office/spare bedroom”, in front of a computer. It is interesting to note how much time I spend in this place, and compare it with how little I manage to get done.

Although sneezes are sufficiently unpredictable and involuntary, the act of counting them offers an interesting new take on the old theoretical physics line about events being affected by the process of observation. Sneezecount makes each sneeze matter. It is no longer possible just to blow one out and forget about it . Now that sneezes had a name, an identity.

I am very impressed. I am thinking of doing something on these lines, to bring a sense of purpose to my life.