Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Operation Sleep

I summon the whole family for the daily emergency drill. “Operation Sleep” is about to be launched.

With that tone of authority that I am respected for, I issue clear orders. “Switch on both the Good-knight and the All-out devices. If one fails, the other will work. And apply a generous amount of Odomos on your entire body, head to toe. The strong aroma will intoxicate the fellows. Keep the air-conditioners on. Mosquitoes are known to lose their powers, when the room temperature drops below 22 deg C. Windows will remain closed through the night. Night bulb to be kept on as the creatures are known to attack only under cover of total darkness. Hold the battery-operated swatter in your hands, ready to strike at short notice. Everybody ready? Good, let’s go to bed now.”

Meanwhile, at a hideout not too far away, the head mosquito summons the whole gang,

“Enemy will try to freeze us with air-conditioning. Remember to wear your sweaters. We can withstand the cold temperature. And, wait for an hour or so, before you attack. The effect of Odomos will wear off by then. Don’t get frightened by the Good Knight and All-Out. They are just placebos peddled as potent stuff to gullible customers by greedy marketers. Put on your sun glasses. That will protect your eyes from the glare of the night bulb. Ignore the swatter. The chances of it striking you are just one in million. Keep cool and take your fill of blood. Be positive, as well as O positive.

Operation Sleep ends in failure yet again. I can hear the mosquitoes celebrating their victory. My blood is boiling, but inside their bodies.

9 comments:

Karthik Sriram said...

>>My blood is boiling, but inside their bodies.<<

Simply Super.

Initially I was confused between Operation Sleep and Operation Silence (the one in pakistan)

LKS

Sundar Narayanan said...

that was hilarious.

have you tried the old fashioned mosquito net!

sometimes older technology works way better than the new ones.

:)

you could also try my other patented (?!) invention of wearing your socks over your tracksuit, cotton gloves (yes these are gloves you wear inside a leather gardening gloves to absorb moisture sold in most garnening stores in US), and a monkey cap.

this gives you a reasonable protection except in your forehead and cheeks.. but works otherwise..

:)

Kiran said...

As Sundar says, mosquito net is the BEST way - Old is Gold!!

I have a better method though - Put on Himesh's music for 30 mins before you sleep - the leader of mosquitoes along with his pack would commit suicide avoiding you of all the trouble!! :D

Raj said...

kartik, I wish I could send the mosquitoes to Pakistan. Paki-Mosquis.

sundar : yes, must try out your remedies. thanks.

kiran, ha, such cruelty to insects!

Anonymous said...

Have you read the poem by Vikram Seth THE LOUSE AND THE MOSQUITO ?
The poem throws more light on those lousy (he..he..) creatures.

Poppins said...

Howlarious!

Raj said...

anon, haven't read it. will give it a shot.

poppins : thanks again.

Srik said...

Hahahaha very nice!!

Raj said...

srik, thanks