Thursday, March 16, 2006

The Pontiff.......

President Kalam is, no doubt, an erudite scholar, a scientist of distinction and a man of unquestionable integrity. But the President’s pronounced propensity to pontificate for prolonged periods can arouse as much anger as my annoying alliterations. He seems to be convinced that God brought him into this world, planted him purposefully in the Rashtrapati Bhavan and placed on his broad shoulders the onerous task of educating every single Indian who comes within his striking distance. He takes this role seriously and performs persistently. No person is spared his tedious lectures, no subject is outside his grasp and no occasion finds him at a loss for words. Unwary people are converted into unwilling pupils at the slightest provocation.

If he is tiring, the media can be quite exasperating. How many times have we been told that the “President stunned the visiting dignitary by making a PowerPoint presentation”, when all it takes to do that is to press a button with one’s forefinger – a task that is not beyond the capability of even an one-eyed, one-armed, bow-legged, imbecile. It is certainly not rocket science.

Yesterday, my attention was drawn to a news item, headlined, “President wears his scientist cap as plane hits air pocket”. I am not able to find it in the online edition, but I will give you the gist. It started by saying that when the President was returning from Mauritius and having a mid-air chat with the members of the media at 1.30 am, the plane suddenly became very bumpy and bouncy, causing some nervousness among the media persons. Pausing at this point and reflecting on the headlines, I thought to myself that the news item would go on to say that the President had launched into an explanation of the phenomenon of air pockets, how turbulence is created when bodies of air moving at different speeds meet at high altitudes, how the changes can cause the lift of the plane’s wings to vary quickly and unpredictably or some such funda.

Instead, the awestruck correspondent goes on to report that the President remained calm and unruffled in the face of such adversity and pacified the media thus, “ This is a normal geographical feature. When a plane hits a cloud, it will bounce”

The sycophantic correspondent ends the report unable to contain his admiration at the President’s repertoire of knowledge, his amazing understanding of the actions of all the physical forces in the Universe and the breathtaking insights he is able to provide on the most complex of subjects.

Whaaaaaaa?

10 comments:

gawker said...

Are you serious?

Raj said...

Gawker : Ok, ok I have dramatised things a bit ,epecially in the last para, but you get the drift.

But,the build-up that the correspondent provided was equally dramatic. The President's explanation of the air pocket (quoted in my blog) has been faithfully reproduced from the news item.

Shruthi said...

But the President’s pronounced propensity to pontificate for prolonged periods can arouse as much anger as my annoying alliterations. -- ROFL!! A masterpiece! :D

Shpriya said...

He makes best use of his PPBD (Power Point Briefing (!) Dependence) for a change, so that he doesn’t fall asleep hearing his own voice all the time.

amish Mehta said...

will remember this profoundlearning when my aircraft hits aturbulence again

Raj said...

Thanjs, shruthi, shpriya, Welcome, amish mehta

Casement said...

Raj,

After having read some of your posts like Brahmastra, Fly Indian etc., I think twice before believing you!:)

Anonymous said...

Good post ! Great Blog!

-Prabhu

Raj said...

Casement, the incident is true, but I have used my blogger's licence to spice things up a bit...

prabhu, thanks.

Rubic_Cube said...

so 2 of my blog pals are already here.

this one was awesome. alliteration was a class one! journos shouldn't be those who worship, but those who critique! the prez probably made it simple for those journos to understand what it was...