Sunday, June 07, 2009

R.I.P. plump heroine

“For a long time you noticed only the curves, now you’re beginning to see the angles. Blame it on the Bollywoodisation of Tamil cinema, or the influx of more girls from Pune, Mumbai and Delhi, but Kollywood’s tolerance of flab is decreasing as sharply as the waistline of its leading ladies. Everyone’s working out, to avoid being shipped out” reports the cover story in New Sunday Express today.

Alas, in this decadent world, things degenerate far too rapidly for my liking. The vortex of decay spares nothing and sucks everything in. The last two bastions of plump heroines – Kollywood and Tollywood- have fallen and made way for the dreary world of anemic, anorexic, adipose-deficient heroines.

Ha, how our sensibilities keep changing. Back in my college days, when we frequented theatres with popping eyes and drooling tongues, we expected value for money. We wanted our heroines to occupy the full screen. If a movie director had dared to foist some ‘Size Zero’ actress such as Kareena Kapoor or Aishwarya Rai, we wouldn’t have wasted so much as a whistle on her. In fact, some of the more aggressive ones occupying the front seats ( Rs 1.25) would have smashed the benches in protest, while those privileged few in the back rows ( Rs 2.90) would have slit open the cushions of the seats, if denied the full quota of heroine mass. It was an era when people expressed themselves thus in a clear and simple manner.

These days, heroines defy mathematical laws. They maintain a waistline in such a way that its circumference is less than its diameter. In the good old days when we described someone as round shaped, what we meant was that their circumference around the waist was an ever-expanding, work-in-progress. Not that the identification of the waist was simple. Like the equator, the waist was an imaginary line somewhere around the middle, and one could only speculate. As for legs, none of these skinny types would pass muster. Thunder thighs they had to be.

I remember watching a movie (the name escapes me) in which MGR was the hero. For some reason ( I don't recall why) he grew up in a house in which there were four elephants too. Then he fell in love with and married the heroine (I forget who) who matched the elephants, foot for foot in dimensions and quintal for quintal in weight.

Those were the days, you see, when men were men, elephants were elephants and heroines were real women.

11 comments:

Usha said...

hehehe.
That was nalla neram - remake of hati mere sati. I thought K R Vijaya was playing one of the hatis.

Usha said...

hehehe.
That was nalla neram - remake of hati mere sati. I thought K R Vijaya was playing one of the hatis.

ummon said...

hahaha! came from blogeswari to extraord to here... very funny. and boy am i glad that in my 'hey days' most men thought the way you did.

Balajisblog said...

Raj - brilliant prose....you have totally wasted your talent elsewhere all these years. I strongly recommend that once a while you watch " Maanada Mayilada" in which Kushboo and a dance "master" by name Kala shake their ample booty.. and that might transport you to the good old days.

Recently, while watching Priyanka Chopra in a song on TV, my wife remarked that my younger son's "jatti" would be a bit loose for her. I think that is a very clear definition of size minus 1.

Raj said...

Balaji, thanks for the tips.

Raj said...

Usha, thanks for the info. Now it all comes back...

Ummm: Thanks for dropping in

Poppins said...

Raj!! Have missed your wit. Am here after such a long break and I better stop reading at office or I'll lose my job!

Hilarious. Esp about KR Vijaya being a haathi. I should tell my mom, she used to be a big fan of hers.

Tazeen said...

hahaha

loved your about me Mr. bloggest

Raj said...

Poppins :Thanks, do pop in once in a while

Tazeen, thanks.

Rachna said...

Good one, Raj! After a long time. I do agree with you about this craze to look like boys among heroines these days though I can't say that I can bear the fat amma-like heroine either :).

Most men say that they would prefer their heroines to be more curvy, then how come these skinny ones are such hits?

Raj said...

Rachna,good question. I don't have the answer....