Sunday, November 11, 2007

Yes,me worry.

Alfred E Neuman, the mascot and iconic symbol of Mad magazine graced the cover of more than 450 of its issues, appearing in a slew of disguises including Santa Claus, George Bush, Batman, Michael Jackson, George S Patton, Spock, etc. But, whatever the character, the grinning mug of Alfred E Neuman would shine through clearly and unmistakably, with his jug ears, missing front teeth and one eye lower than the other.

But, the grinning mug of Alfred E Neuman was confined to Mad magazine, and if one got sick of his face, one could discard the magazine and pursue other things in life.

Such an exit option, alas, is not available with the grinning mug of the more ubiquitous Shah Rukh Khan. Even if you have taken a vow, as I have, that you won’t be seen dead or alive inside a theatre screening a Hindi movie


There is simply no escaping from this guy. He has expanded the meaning, scope and dimensions of the word, “ubiquitous”. He grins at you from street hoardings, he grins at you from magazine covers, he grins at you from 90% of the ads that are screened on TV, he grins at you from the stands when a cricket match is on, he grins at you from the podium at the Hindustan Times Leadership Summit, he grins at you from blogposts including this one of mine ( Et tu, Raj?) and he grins at you from all news channels. Recently, all these channels went to town on how Shahrukh was the first human ever to celebrate his 42nd birthday and to have sighted 500 full moons. There he was with his trademark grin and mouthing some nonsense. He stalks and haunts you relentlessly and can materialize into being and grinning, whether you are high up in the mountains or deep inside a trench. You can never shake him away.

What I want to know is this. Is there any way I can avoid the third-degree pain of having to stare at this guy’s mug round-the-clock? Is there some method or mantra using which I can exorcise the grinning mug away from my life? Isn’t there some fundamental right that I can invoke to stop this assault on my senses? Can I file a PIL to get this national mascot replaced with something that grins less, like an elephant, tiger or peacock? In short, how can I lead a de-shahruked existence?

11 comments:

sankar said...

Become Guru Knish Nosh. He was pictured by AEN in MAD, meditating in his langot in the Himalayas and when asked what he was meditating on, he replied "on how it would be to be sitting in front of a warm fire".

dipali said...

Sounds difficult, given the ubiquity of the said Khan. My sympathies, Raj.
Maybe your only option is to become a fan- as in, if you can't lick 'em, join 'em(:

JV said...

the man knows how to connect with the common folks. its a talent and image not many have

Sango said...

Shahrukh! Love him or hate him but you sure cant ignore him.. ;-)

MD said...

How about the tall guy with the synthetic black mane and the natural white goatee beard? Do you consider it to be more acceptable assault on your senses?

Raj said...

sankar, yes, that's a good idea. Though, even high up in the Himalayas, he will be grinning at me from atop an abominable snowman.

dipali, it is impossible to join' em. So, I guess I will have to endure the pain.

jv, he knows how to connect with the common man; how does a common man disconnect from him, is my problem.

sango, as if he lets us ignore him.

md : good point. The man with the white goatee haunts me less, these days.

CW said...

Perhaps stare at a mug of Himesh R? Lesser of the two evils & all that..(which one would be lesser in yr bk, btw?)

Sowmya said...

move to milwaukee!

Usha said...

Watch only BBC, CNN, and TV5 and Tamil channels for local news. Better still go back to the good old radio.
My sympathies are with you and I feel the exact degree of exasperation when I see his silly grin and stupid mug.

Raj said...

cw, himesh ugghhhh. Small choice between rotten apples....

sowmya, can't be too sure. Maybe the Milwaukee Indian association will get him over for a show...

usha, radio is a brilliant idea. I will do that. I hope that I won't be assaulted by his voice...

bk said...

MInd over matter is my suggestion.

each time you see his sneering mug, imagine its Kareena Kapoor winking at you.

Now that Im sure you can handle 200 times a day!