Saturday, October 06, 2007

Blousy days ahead

Downloading tons of intellectual stuff from “The Hindu’ into my left brain, strains my system severely each morning and I try to neutralise the effect by flipping through the day’s edition of “The Deccan Chronicle”.

This morning, after soaking in intricate details from The Hindu about the trajectory of the Agni missile launched yesterday, I felt a throbbing headache and needed a quick palliative. And I reached for the Deccan Chronicle

It obliged, as it unfailingly does, by carrying an absorbing story. This one was on the wardrobes of leading Kollywood personalities and reported, among other things, that actress Khushboo possessed no less than 325 designer blouses.

With the headache now gone, I analysed the implications of this extraordinary piece of information.

325, I reasoned, was neither here nor there. What Khusboo ought to do, I felt, was to go to the designer and order 40 more blouses (Or go to the blouser and get 40 more designed- I am not sure how all this works). Which would take the tally to 365. This way, she can wear a different blouse on each day of the year, without ever having to repeat the same one again. She can number them and designate a specific blouse for a specific date of the year.

The next year, assuming she can still fit into the blouses, she can wear the same designated blouse on the same specific date of the year.

If she repeats this for a couple of years more, the public will soon see the pattern and match the blouse with the date. If she is wearing Blouse X, it must be this date. Quick mental association will be formed. Very Pavlovian, if you see the point .

Before the end of the decade the numeral-based calendar as we know it will cease to exist. Days will not be referred by numbers 1-31 any more. It will be Tuesday, the sky-blue-blouse-with-small-pink polka dots, or something like that

There is this oft-told story about an ancient rishi in Kerala who was disturbed by a cat when he was performing a yagna. He ordered the cat to be tied up. The next day the cat disturbed him again. He had it tied up. Soon, every time he performed this yagna, his disciples would find a cat to tie up, believing that this was part of the ritual.. This tradition continued for several centuries, with people unquestioningly introducing the cat into the proceedings.

Same with Khusboo’s blouse.. The cause and effect will be reversed. People would have forgotten that the dates existed first and the blouses next, and not the other way round.

Thousand years from now, people will read about the transition that happened in the 16th century, from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar and, in the 21st century from the Gregorian to the Khushbian calendar ( Note author’s clever coinage of adjective term ‘Khushbian” for Khushboo. on the lines of cat-feline, salt-saline, lion-leonine. Editor).

There are no records to corroborate the story of the rishi and the cat. But, thousand years from now, when people are curious to find out where the idea of the Khusbian calendar originated, powerful search engines will lead them to my blogsite in 0.00000001 seconds.

Note to Khusboo : The year 2008 happens to be a Leap Year and one extra blouse will be required.

Note to self : All this analysis again involved the left brain and will give you headaches.. Get out of this habit.

16 comments:

Sankar said...

Raj, Hilarious. I think I should start reading the Decccan Chronicle. U seem to be fond of Polka Dots. Is it from a visual experience of Khushboo or a throw back to your childhood memories of Dot, Little Lotta etc.?
Being a great admirer of Khushboo, I agree that the Khushbian Calendar will be a worthy legacy after the temple, that I understand has been built to worship her.

Sankar said...

Also a simple straight forward blog that easily tickles the Attention Focussing Neurons in the brain for intellectual simpletons
like me.

Sundar Narayanan said...

that was hilarious.

:)

dipali said...

Lovely:)

Usha said...

No wonder I cannot get my tailor to stitch one ordinary blouse for me and deliver it in one month - now I know what they are busy with. Not to mention the skyrocketing charges for making blouses.
Thanks for the scoop.

Raj said...

sankar, that was my humble attempt to keep Khusbuism alive, for your sake.

sundar, thanks

dipali, thanks

usha, my commiserations. you have to make such sacrifices for the sake of Khushbianism,

Shruthi said...

Heh heh :D And I don't have the patience to go to the tailor to get ONE blouse stitched.... no wonder all my 19 sarees are lying in the cupboard gathering dust!
Btw, 325 blouses - how many sarees would that work out to? Would she have multiple sarees for one blouse, or multiple blouses for one saree? What do you think? Or too much stress on the right side again?

Oh and yes, lovely post.

Viky said...

Totally Cracking... Fantastic!!!

K said...

Dhamal...

himanshu said...

simply great post!!

Surendra said...

I wonder how can you not read Times of India. :P

Prajeesh said...

I haven't had a better break in my office
:D

Raj said...

shruthi, you have 19 sarees, uh? We are never going to have a Shruthian calendar in the near future.

viky, k, himanshu, thanks

surendra, alas, TOI is not available in Chennai

prajeesh, glad to hear it.

The Great Ganesha said...

this was great reading. nicely done.

Raj said...

great ganesha, thanks

Indraneel Majumdar said...

If I get you right..Khushbian calendar would have something like "transparent black with white netted bra showing" or "pulpy orange with the nips peeping" or "baingani purple with the stams chopped off"..omigod..Politically Unsafe Territory!!