On boring, fixing, etc

Boring conference

Just finished reading this report from the 2012 Boring conference that was held in London recently. Apparently, this is held in November each year and delegates turn up to listen to ‘boring’ speeches and presentations. 

Why would people turn up at such a conference to listen to presentations on topics such as supermarket self-service check-outs,  post-boxes and “the confusing, non-regulated series of toaster settings on the market”?  Because people enjoy boring things.  Yes, banality has a certain appeal. 

I used to follow a blog post called “the dullest blog in the world” that, sadly, went quiet from July last year. Here are some samples:

“I had a towel in my hands. It was a bit damp. I hung it over the bannister so that it would dry off.”

“I saw that there was a small piece of rubbish on the ground. I stooped over and picked it up. Seeing a litter bin nearby I carried the item a short distance and deposited it in the bin.”

“I logged onto the internet in order to check my e-mails. I clicked the ’send and receive’ button and downloaded one or two messages. A minute or two later I logged off the internet.” 

The blog was tremendously popular and some of the posts received more than 200 comments. Boring stuff can be that appealing. 

If it’s broke, fix it. 

I remember the first suitcase I bought when I became a salesman. It took quite a beating as I travelled extensively every week by bus on bad roads. Every now and then a screw would unloosen or a hinge would get rusted or the cloth lining get torn. I simply had to take it to some roadside repairer and fix it by spending a few rupees. 

I used that suitcase for more than 10 years and abandoned it not because it was not good enough, but because I had by then progressed to travelling by air and felt compelled to buy one that was more stylish and elegant. None of the suitcases that I’ve bought after that has lasted that long, although I travel mostly by air and treat the luggage quite delicately. Also, if a zip gets stuck or a wheel drops off, it is quite painful to find a good repair shop. Might as well throw it off and buy a new one.

The ‘repair’ culture is slipping away, in any case. None of the devices are designed for durability and replacing them every few years is considered a better option as repair charges are often quite close to the cost of a new one. Mobile phones, washing machines, microwave ovens, etc fall in this category. At least, this is what we are led to believe.

I was happy to read about the “Fixer’s manifesto’ that’s been written by a designer. Some of the statements in that manifesto: 

“Fixing’ is the most beautiful form of creativity”

“A small clever tweak can improve how things work for years to come”.

“Resist trends and needless updates. Don’t be a passive consumer”

“If we double the life of a product, we send only half of them to the landfill every year”

Makes one think, doesn’t it?

Raj's Random Ramblings- 4

Artist’s image of suspects.

Whenever the police release an artist’s impression of a murder suspect or a terrorist who got away, I make a mental note that I should compare it with the real photo of the person if and when he/she is really arrested. I always suspect that the artist’s images based on description by people who saw the suspect would be quite far off the mark.  Here’s a pair of pictures that strengthened my suspicion.  It’s a police sketch of Salvatore Perrone who was recently arrested in Staten Island as a suspect in a murder and his real photo when he was arrested. (link). The huge difference is possibly because no two people can provide the same description to the artist. There will be another gap when the artist transfers what he has understood on to his sketch. 

Some months back, the Daily Mail of UK carried an article on one of the great practitioners of the art, Ms Gibson, whose sketches have helped solve over a 1000 crimes. Some examples have been provided in that article of the artist’s sketch and the actual photo. Though the writer lavishes praise on the accuracy of the sketches, I am not very impressed (except for one pair). Are you?

The coming Apocalypse.

Are you preparing for the Apocalypse on December 21, 2012 as predicted by the Mayans? Well, a Russian company has been marketing survival kits. For a mere 890 rubles (Rs 1400), you get a med kit (complete with heart medication), soap, some candles and matches, a can of fish, a pack of buckwheat, a bottle of vodka, a notepad and pencil, and a rope. (source). Meanwhile, a Chinese man is not taking any chances. He’s building a Noah’s Ark for himself, using his entire life savings. 

This reminds me of a Jewish story which starts with God announcing that the entire world would be deluged under water in two weeks. Panic-stricken Christians rushed to the Church and begged the Lord for mercy. Muslims all over the world thronged the mosques and pleaded with Allah.  Hindus offered special prayers in thousands of temples. At a Jewish synagogue in Tel Aviv, a Rabbi got on to the podium and addressed his people, “Brothers and sisters, we have exactly two weeks to learn to live under water”. 

So, if the world is about to be destroyed on December 21^st, you have exactly 23 days ( counting from the time I am writing this) to learn how to survive in the destroyed planet. Good luck.

Crimeless day:

Apparently, November 26, 2012 was a very special day in New York. For the first time in memory, there was no reported incident of shooting, nabbing or slashing. The Police couldn’t believe it and couldn’t recall a single day when this had happened before. (source). The Police must be worried too. If the crime rate keeps dropping in this manner, they’ll soon become redundant and lose their jobs. 

The cliché goes that ‘ dog biting man is not news, man biting dog is’. Perhaps one day we’ll see news reported that our Parliament functioned the entire day without a single incident of disruption, hooliganism or a walk-out.That will be reported as sensational news.

Arumugam and Subbu play hosts to Julia Maitland

Julia Charlotte (Barrett) Maitland, a young lady who had accompanied her husband to Madras, wrote a series of letters in the years 1836-9, which were later compiled and published in book form. 

In one her letters in 1836, she writes about a dinner (and entertainment) she was invited to by two rich natives by the names of Armoogam and Sooboo. ( Source, pages 26-30)

The other day a very rich native, an old protege of A 's, came to say that he and his son wished to make a feast for me, if I would come to their house.

I was extremely glad, for I was longing to get into one of their native houses; so last night we all went to him by appointment—Mr. and Mrs. Staunton, A , and I.

 It was a most curious entertainment; but I was surprised to find that the Stauntons, who have been so long in the country, had never seen anything of the kind before. It is wonderful how little interested most of the English ladies seem by all the strange habits and ways of the natives ; and it is not merely that they have grown used to it all, but that, by their own accounts, they never cared more about what goes on around them than they do now. I can only suppose they have forgotten their first impressions. But this makes me wish to try and see everything that I can while the bloom of my Orientalism is fresh upon me, and before this apathy and listlessness have laid hold on me, as no doubt they will.

I asked one lady what she had seen of the country and the natives since she had been in India. " Oh, nothing ! " said she : " thank goodness, I know nothing at all about them, nor I don't wish to : really I think the less one sees and knows of them the better!"

Armogum and Sooboo, our two entertainers, met us at their garden-gate, with numbers of lanterns, and rows of natives, some of them friends and some servants, all the way up to the house. The whole house was lighted up like a show, with chandeliers, lamps, and lustres in every possible corner, and hung from the ceiling and festooned to the walls besides: it looked very bright and pretty. 

The house consisted of one very large verandah, in which stood the native company; that opened into a large drawing-room, with a smaller room at each end, and sleeping-rooms beyond; and on the other side of the drawing-room another verandah leading into another garden. The house was furnished very much like a French lodging-house, only with more comfortable ottomans and sofas; but the general effect was very French: quantities of French nicknacks set out upon different tables, and the walls quite covered with looking glasses.

We were led into the great drawing-room, and placed upon sofas, and servants stationed at our side to fan us: then Armagum and Sooboo brought us each a nosegay of roses, and poured rose-water over them and over our hands ; and they gave me a queer kind of sprig made of rice and beads, like a twelfth-cake ornament: then they gave us each a garland of scented flowers, so powerful that even now, at the end of the next day, I cannot get rid of the perfume on my hands and arms. 

Then the entertainment began : they had procured the musicians, dancers, and cooks belonging to the Nabob, in order that I might see all the Mussulman amusements, as well as those of the Hindoos. First, then, came in an old man with a long white beard, to play and sing to the vina, an instrument like a large mandoline, very pretty and antique to look at, but not much to hear. His music was miserable, just a mixture of twang and whine, and quite monotonous, without even a pretence to a tune.

When we were quite tired of him, he was dismissed, and the Nabob's dancinggirls came in: most graceful creatures, walking, or rather sailing about, like queens, with long muslin robes from their throats to their feet. They were covered with gold and jewels, earrings, nose-rings, bracelets, armlets, anklets, bands round their heads, aevignes, and rings on all their fingers and all their toes. Their dancing- consisted of sailing about, waving their hands, turning slowly round and round, and bending from side to side: there were neither steps nor figure, as far as I could make out. The prettiest of their performances was their beautiful swan-like march. Then they sang, bawling like bad street-singers—a most fearful noise, and no tune. 

Then we had a concert of orchestra music, with different-looking instruments, but in tone like every modification of bagpipes—every variety of drone and squeak: you can form no idea of such sounds under the name of music: the chimney-sweepers' clatter on May-day would be harmonious in comparison. Imagine a succession of unresolved discords, selected at random, and played on twenty or thirty loud instruments, all out of tune in themselves and with each other, and you will have a fair idea of Hindoo music and its effect on the nerves.

When my teeth had been set on edge till I could really bear it no longer, I was obliged to beg A to give the musicians a hint to stop. Then there came in a man to imitate the notes of various birds : this sounded promising, but unfortunately the Madras birds are screaming, and not singing, birds; and my ears were assailed by screech-owls, crows, parrots, peacocks, so well imitated that I was again obliged to beg relief from such torture. 

Then we had a Hindoo dancing-girl, with the most magnificent jewellery I ever saw : her dancing was very much like that of the Mahometans, only a little more difficult. There was a good deal of running backwards and forwards upon her heels, and shaking her silver bangles or armlets, which jingled like bells: then glissading up to me, waving her pretty little hands, and making a number of graceful, unmeaning antics, with her eyes fixed on mine in a strange unnatural stare, like animal magnetism. I think those magnetic actings and starings must first have been imitated from some Indian dancing-girl, and in fact the effect is much the same; for I defy any one to have watched this girl's dull, unvarying dance long, without going to sleep. The natives I believe can sit quite contented for hours without any more enlivening amusement; but then they are always half asleep by nature, and like to be quite asleep by choice at any opportunity.

After her performance was ended we had a conjuror, some of whose tricks were quite marvellous. He had on a turban and cummerbund (or piece of muslin wrapped round him), but no jacket, so that one could not imagine a possibility of his concealing any of his apparatus about him ; but, among other tricks, he took a small twig of a tree, ran his fingers down it to strip the leaves off—small leaves, like those of a sensitive-plant —and showered down among us, with the leaves, five or six great live scorpions ; not little things like Italian scorpions, but formidable animals, almost as long as my hand : I did not admire their company, creeping about the room, so he crumpled them up in his hand, and they disappeared ; then he waved his bare arms in the air, and threw a live cobra into the midst of us. Most of his other tricks were juggling with cups and balls like any English conjuror; but the scorpions and cobra were quite beyond my comprehension.

Our gentlemen were surprised at seeing the string which is always worn by Brahmins round this man's neck, and said that twenty years ago no Brahmin could possibly have so degraded himself as to show off before us as a common juggler. After he was dismissed we had another gold and silver girl, to dance upon sharp swords, to music as sharp; then a fire-eater ; and last of all a great supper laid out in the back verandah. The first course consisted of all the nabob's favourite dishes of meat, and curries and pillaws set out in China plates; the second course, all Hindoo cookery, set out in cups and saucers. A whispered to me that I must eat as mHch as I could, to please poor old Artnagum ; so I did my best, till I was almost choked with cayenne-pepper. The Moorman pillaws were very good; but among the Hindoo messes I at last came to something so queer, slimy, and oily, that I was obliged to stop.

After supper Armagum made me a speech, to inform me that he was aware that the Hindoos did not know how to treat ladies : that he had therefore been that morning to consult an English friend of his, Mr. Tracey, concerning the proper mode of showing me the respect that was my due; and that Mr. Tracey had informed him that English ladies were accustomed to exactly the same respect as if they were gentlemen, and that he had better behave to me accordingly. He begged I would consider that, if there had been any deficiency, it was owing to ignorance, and not to want of affection ; for that he looked upon me as his mother ! Then he perfumed us all with attar of roses, and we came away after thanking him very cordially for his hospitality and all the amusement he had given us. I was very curious to see the ladies of the family, but they could not appear before English gentlemen. I peeped about in hopes of catching a glimpse of them, and I did descry some black eyes and white dresses through one of the half-open doors, but I could not see them distinctly.

The dignified but firm protest.

In April 1845, a Memorandum (they called it a Memorial, those days) was presented to the British Govt by a highly respectable group of “Hindoo Gentlemen”, convened by the Sheriff of Madras, at the Hindoo Literary Society's Rooms. About two hundred persons were present. The chair was taken by G. Latchmenarasu Chetty, Esq., a distinguished Hindoo.

The memorandum was to protest the introduction of a proposal, in the shape of a Draft Act by the Law Commission of India, declaring English Law as the substantive law of the land  and that the Courts would cease to respect the laws, usages and customs of the Hindoos.  

Latchmenarasu Chetty then made the following introductory speech, a very impressive one.

Gentlemen,—For several centuries prior to the English assuming any authority in India, the country was subject to various kinds of Governments, and under the baneful influence of continual discords and aggressions. Among foreign European nations, the Portuguese, Dutch and French, first came to India for commercial purposes, and evinced at the outset a very friendly behaviour towards us; but after being allowed to acquire a settlement in the country, they soon discovered a wish for dominion and authority over the people. Feeling, after a time, the irksomeness of their conduct, particularly in the innovations they endeavoured to introduce into our religious creed and usages, the people became averse to those visitors, and alienated in their feelings towards them.

At this period, the English, following the example of their European neighbours, turned their attention to India, also in a trading capacity at first; but finding the views they secretly entertained towards the new found country very seriously impeded by the rivalry of those who had preceded them, they volunteered a negotiation of reciprocal friendship with certain of the Native Princes, to the effect that they (the English) would co-operate with them in relieving the country of those other Europeans whose conduct had rendered them obnoxious to the people of India, and restore peace and tranquility to the country.

In accordance with such pledge, the English waged war with, and eventually subdued, those whom we had become disposed to regard as unwelcome and oppressive. This point gained, the English openly evinced a desire of changing their position in the country, from the original one of merchants and traders to that of Sovereign. In order the more effectually to carry out their plans, they were aware that the cordial co-operation of the people was necessary ; they therefore set about securing our attachment, by providing clauses in the Charters granted to the Honourable East India Company, as well as in the Regulations and orders of the local Governments for the protection of our civil and religious rights from outrage.

It is with feelings of both regret and apprehension, however, that we now witness, on the part of the said Company in India, the disclosure of an attempt to withhold, in a most serious way, the protection which has been invariably shewn us for nearly two centuries, and to violate the good faith which we have hitherto implicitly relied on and respected. The apprehension alluded to is induced by a proposal, in the shape of a Draft Act by the Law Commission of India, published under the orders of the Governor in Council of this Presidency, in the official Gazette of the 11th February of the present year, and declaring in purport that the English Law shall be the Substantive Law of the land, as well at the several Presidencies as in the Mofussil of the respective settlements, and that the Courts of the Honourahle East India Company shall cease to respect the laws, usages and customs of the Hindoos, which are prejudicial to the conversion of Natives to the Christian religion. 

He concludes his speech by seeking an adoption of the Memorandum.

.. Under these circumstances the present meeting has been convened, for the purpose of drawing up a representation of the grievances contemplated by the Draft Act under reference, and it will rest with the meeting to decide, whether a Memorial is the best mode of proceeding; and if so, how far the Memorial, which is about to be read, will express the sentiments of our community, and whether it shall be adopted entire, or with any alterations which may be suggested by its perusal.

The  Memorandum to the Governor-General in Council was subsequently adopted.

( Read here the full text of his speech, and the full draft of the Memorandum)

Incredible that the native speakers could,  as early as 1845, come up with such stirring speeches in English.  The major Universities came into being only in 1857 and higher education picked up only after that.


Update 20/10/12 : G.A.Bushby, Secretary to the Govt of India, provides a point-wise response to the issues raised in the Memorandum (Link) 

All be of the same mind.

An incident in the year 1838, narrated by a Christian missionary. (source)

At a village in Southern India belonging to a respectable Brahmin, a small number of families applied to a catechist for instruction. The Brahmin, hearing of it, assembled the whole of the villagers, and addressed them as follows: "I hear that some of you have determined to learn the Christian Vedas. Now I do not want any divisions or quarrels in my village. There shall not be two parties here. Therefore, all of you remain in your old religion, or else all of you in a body join the new. If you like to embrace Christianity, do so: I will make no opposition. You may turn your temple into a prayer-house, if you like: only, all be of the same mind." All the inhabitants of the village, nearly two hundred in number, decided in favor of Christianity; placed themselves under instruction; demolished their idols, valued at two hundred rupees; and delivered up their devil temple to become a temple of the living God.