The Gillettine

The first few years after I started shaving, I used the most basic of implements. A safety razor made of gleaming metal and a clean sharp blade. The razor was meant to last for ever. It had doors on the top and a knob below that needed to be rotated gently to open the doors on the top. The all-metal, double-edged blade needed to be changed once a week. The whole operation was so low-tech and the replacement cost of the blade was probably less than two rupees.

Then Gillette entered my life with its Sensor spring-loaded blades that claimed to retract if the blade came into contact with the facial skin rather than the hair. This was a quantum jump in comfort as well as price. I think the blades cost Rs 15 each and I used to feel so guilty at this extravagance.

A few years passed and, sure enough, Gillette introduced the Sensor Excel, which had two blades. More comfort, more money, more guilt. Possibly Rs 30 a blade.

Then the Mach 3 exploded on the scene. It was the first 3-blade razor and was the ultimate in shaving comfort. It required fewer strokes as it gently caressed the face. I tried to resist the temptation to buy one, but succumbed to the marketing blitzkrieg of Gillette. Once you used a Mach 3, there was no going back to cheaper stuff. You stayed wedded for life. I suspect that Gillette designed it in such a way that the blade would change the contour of the beard to make it cuttable only at a certain angle that the Mach 3 traversed. These blades cost more than Rs 100/- apiece and I have squirmed in remorse everytime I bought them. But, not once in the last 4 years, have I been disloyal to Mach 3 and I thought that I had found my life partner.

Famous last words they turned out to be as Gillette, the serpent, is dangling the apple in the garden again. The new Gillette Fusion has- hold your breath- 5 blades. Gillette says that 'the combination of adding more blades and narrowing the inter-blade span creates a “Shaving Surface” that distributes the shaving force across the blades, resulting in significantly less irritation and more comfort'. Hell, they even have a battery-powered model which has a vibrating head that will make the hair stand up and be slaughtered. And the price, a whopping Rs 300/- for a blade.

I have been eyeing this beauty at the departmental stores for quite some time. I know that sooner or later I am going to buckle under the strain and buy one, I can see it standing there, staring at me, egging me to give it a try, daring me to move on……….

In a few years, I am afraid, Gillette will introduce the ultimate version of the shaving razor. A model with thousands of micromotion blades that will be guided by laser. Each micro-blade will seek out individual facial hair and destroy it without a trace. It will have a micro-chip loaded with a thousand mp3 files and will sense the mood of the face’s owner and play the appropriate music. It will sprinkle after-shave lotion on its reverse stroke. And, all these features will come at a price of Rs 10,000 a blade. I will spend 10 minutes every day shaving my face with this masterpiece of a razor and the remaining 23 hours 50 minutes, slogging my butt out to earn the money to pay for the blades, in a deadly vicious spiral that will last for eternity………

( Disclosure: Picture of guillotine taken from Google Images)